Sorry for the lag between posts. Summer = crazy busy with visitors and teaching my regular yoga classes while trying to finish up the last of my Loyola Marymount Yoga Therapy homework, a 10-page paper on Yoga for Addiction Recovery. Needless to say, my other writing is what dropped off.

The last couple of weeks have been so interesting though. I’ve been struggling for months with the antics going on at the administrative level at one of the places I teach. I even found myself relaying all the madness to my mother while she was in town. I finally had to promise myself and her that I would let it go and not mention it, so that we could fully enjoy our time together.

This weekend, I decided to throw in the towel and no longer teach at the studio. If you don’t know me, this is pretty big for me. I’m a let’s work it out kinda girl, not afraid to confront issues.

Several years ago, when my marriage was falling apart, I was forced to learn to discern and relay my needs. Despite all odds, including an almost two year separation, my husband and I managed to work through our differences and have found happiness with each other. Since then, I have confronted a boss about management style issues and a friend about a breakdown in our relationship and have reaped the rewards tenfold, transforming those relationships into something much deeper. High on those two successes, I tried to confront another friend about something that had hurt my feelings. That time didn’t turn out as well, but did teach me that relationships are two way streets, were both people have to be mature and honest enough to really discuss the heart of the issues, forgive and try to change.

In the above mentioned instances, my relationships (and the paycheck at my job) were worth going through the confrontation and asking for what I need. In my current situation, I just didn’t see the value in it. Not that I couldn’t have done it and grown from the situation. I’m in a different place in my life right now. Teaching yoga and helping people find inner strength and peace is such a wonderful experience. Guiding someone that I hardly know to become a better manager and business operator falls well out of my job duties as a yoga instructor. So I folded.

It was a scary thing to do. I had gotten quite a few of my students to follow me to this studio. It was also slightly embarrassing having to tell them it wasn’t working out, especially when the space is lovely and we are all enjoying the classes. To deal with the anxiety and stress surrounding this decision, I started doing more meditation and breathwork.

I went back to doing Deepak Chopra’s Heart Meditation, which I did constantly throughout my separation with my husband. It is an amazing meditation that has you focus on all the things you are grateful for in life, then repeat the mantra: “Every decision I make is a choice between a grievance and a miracle.  I relinquish all resentments, grievances and regrets and I choose the miracle.” Finally, he invites you to shift your awareness to someone or something you are holding a grudge against and practice forgiveness.

The breathing exercise, called Complete Breath, practiced while laying one your back divides each inhale and exhale into 3 parts:

• Inhale:
  • Draw 1/3 of your breath into your belly and pause
  • Inhale the next 1/3^rd of your breath, expanding your lower ribcage and pause
  • Inhale, completely filling the upper lungs and pause
• Exhale:
  • Let the heart drop down with the first 1/3^rd of your exhale, pause
  • Let the back of the lower ribs sink on the next 1/3^rd then pause
  • The belly draws down as you exhale the remaining breath, then pull the belly up and in.

The meditation helped me let go of all the offenses and anger surrounding the studio. While the Complete Breath exercise has given me strength to trust that in letting this go, God will bring something far greater into my life.

I have 80 cubic feet of space in my closet, plus 2.5 drawers in a dresser.  Here’s a (weirdly photoshopped together) picture of it.  As you can see, I make the most of it. Here’s how:

Only Have Clothes That You Wear in Your Closet

They say that the 80/20 rule works with wardrobes too – you wear 20% of your clothes 80% of the time.  So why in the world do people need huge walk in closets to hold clothes they wear maybe twice a year.  Attachment.  We all have attachments – things we can’t let go of, maybe because you wore it on a special date, maybe because your mother gave it to you, maybe you just keep things around you for a sense of security.  None of these reasons will ever actually make you wear said item though, meaning it’s time to let go.

Rotate Your Wardrobe

I clean out my closet twice a year and move my off- season items into a storage box (under my bed since I don’t have a spare closet).  The first week in April after a warm March this year, I pulled out all my spring and summer clothes (of course we’ve had the coldest April in 8 years, and all I’ve worn is the few sweaters & sweatshirts I kept out.  Whatever.)  I’m always so thrilled to see all my beautiful summer dresses and get excited about wearing them again.

My theory is that when something hangs in your closet year round you get tired of it even if you don’t wear it.  When time rolls around to reach for that fabulous summer dress, it seems old and boring, causing you to want to go buy another.

Edit, Edit, Edit Then Edit Some More

When I clean out my closet, I’m ruthless. Unless I know it is one of my 20 percenters, I try it on.  If it doesn’t fit just right and I can’t alter it, I get rid of it.  If I have two tops in the same color and similar cut, I pick my favorite & ditch the other.  I don’t keep something just because it was expensive, including the pair of fabulous Gucci green & pink flowery fabric heels that were just too high for me.  It all comes down to if you don’t wear it and know you won’t wear it, get rid of it.

Shop Smarter

Several years ago a few of my friends and I started getting together for closet-cleanout parties.  You learn A LOT about your friends when they let you into the depths of their closet!  But having several pairs of eyes looking at all your clothes really helps you see your habits, for instance having 5 navy and white polka dot dresses or that all your clothes are too baggy, plus determine which items your wardrobe is missing, such as basic tees or belts.

Seeing my wardrobe and me through my friends eyes, gave me a clearer perspective on who I was in a fashion sense (of course this is always evolving too).  Now when I shop, I only buy things that I love. As Nina Garcia says in The Little Black Book of Style, “You should wake up in the morning and be inspired by your closet.”  Don’t get lured in by the “it’s on sale” trick.  If you don’t absolutely love it and won’t wear it, it doesn’t matter what it costs.

If you’re up for a little wardrobe wrangling and don’t know where to get started, Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style on Bravo is excellent.  They are more ruthless than I’ve ever been, but it’s really inspiring info on wardrobe management, care and especially what works for each body shape.

After viewing a few episodes, get your friends together for a cleanout.  We always had snacks and a bunch of fashion mags for perusing while waiting to give a thumbs up or down on the next item.  You never know what you are going to learn about yourself & your friends!

Today would’ve been our weimeraner Belle’s 12^th birthday.  I still cry a little, mostly after laughing first, when I think about her.  She was such an amazing creature.  I can’t say she was the best dog ever, as you would know if you’d met her.  As we told our adoption coordinator for our new dog search – she was a mess, but she was our mess and we loved every bit of her.

We were quickly and unjustly robbed of our sweet girl last October, by a fast growing tumor in her pelvis.  We were devastated, but also thankful that she never had to get old.  Up until early October, she was carefree chasing pigeons, squirrels, kitties and anything else that moved.

While I am mourning her loss today, I would rather focus on her life.  She was such a character.  If you knew her, or even heard a good story about her from me, I would love for you to leave it in the comments below.  We had so many crazy stories about her, but I think this is the wildest:

Dog on a Plane

Belle flew home to Texas with us for 2-3 weeks every Christmas.  She flew a total of 13 times, so you would think she was a pro – not so much.  She was too big for cabin travel, so she flew in a crate in the cargo hold and hated every minute of it.

Originally we flew out of Long Beach because it is such a tiny airport, but we eventually started flying out of LAX because it was closer/more convenient.  The first time we flew out of LAX, the security status was orange or red, so the TSA was quite overbearing and would not let me stay while they secured her kennel door with zip ties (in previous years, she had bit and pulled the door in but not enough to get out).

We landed in Dallas approximately 4 hours later.  I’d heard some barking as we were landing and started praying for her – I had never heard her before in the air.  After we landed, as all the passengers were funneling out, my name was called over the loudspeakers by the flight attendant.  I was thinking “They must be calling me to tell me where to pick up Belle.”  When I made it up to the exit, I was informed that Belle had broken out of her crate (they had only put one very loose zip tie on it).  I had to go down the steps of the jetway and walk up one of the luggage loaders with a baggage handler.

He had opened the cargo door and seen a flash of movement and just closed it back up since he didn’t know whether she was injured and/or would attack him.  When he opened the door for me, her little head popped out of a front area and she came galloping over to me.  I inspected her and found absolutely nothing wrong with her (thank God), so I leashed her up, walked her back down the luggage ramp to an elevator that led into the baggage claim area where Chris and my family were waiting.

Belle was perfectly happy and probably had a blast running around under the plane for who knows how much of the flight.  They say cats have nine lives, but I’m pretty sure Belle used up that many or more over her 11 ½  years.  Here’s to you my sweet love.  You will be with me in my heart forever.

I read The Time Traveler’s Wife several years ago. I remember finishing it on a beautiful weekend afternoon while sitting out on my patio.  If you’ve read the book, you know that I was balling crying, tears streaming down my face without any regard for my neighbors or the random tourists strolling through my neighborhood.

The movie is coming out on DVD next week, which reminded me of the thoughts I had after seeing it in the theater with several friends.  While few movies ever do the book justice, I came out of the movie with insight that I didn’t perceive while reading the book:

In a relationship, to truly love and forgive, we have to be able to see the person we originally fell in love with, not the person that they have grown to be in our minds, clouded by all of our experiences with them.  Most relationships include both incredibly wonderful times and hard times.  During the hard times (and also during the normal times), we can get so caught up in all the differences, annoyances, and things that we do not agree on, that we forget the amazing person we fell in love with.

In The Time Traveler’s Wife, you see how in the beginning of their relationship Clare falls in love with this wise, gentle and handsome man who already loves the future version of her.  As the movie progresses, you see her start to struggle with the difficulties of the relationship.  During these hard times she watches Henry go back in time and fall in love with the younger version of herself, and she is forced to relive those experiences and feelings.

While watching the movie, it dawned on me that in seeing the younger/older versions of each other, they were forced to wipe away all the current struggles and see the heart of the person they fell in love with.  That ability kept their love strong even through difficult times.

So, this year instead of (or in addition to) following the social norms of going to dinner and/or buying chocolates or flower for Valentine’s Day, take an honest look at your relationship and how your idea/view of your partner has changed with time.  What parts of the person you fell in love with would you like to have back?  Whatever it is you come up with, first ask yourself “is there anything I can feel/do/say differently that will encourage the traits I love to be more present in my partner?”

Perception creates reality.  If we focus on things we don’t like that is all we will see.  If we focus on the things we love, amazingly that is all we see.

Each of us are in a constant state of change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, but everyone deserves to be accepted and loved just as they are today.  That is what true love is.  It forgives (and forgets) what has been said or done in the past.  It challenges us to throw off the blinders of our own perception and stay open and receptive in the present moment.